Naseeruddin Shah and Ratna Pathak Shah are widely admired as one of Hindi cinema’s most enduring couples, known for their honesty, mutual respect and enduring partnership. However, long before the two tied the knot in 1982, Naseeruddin had a turbulent first marriage with Purveen Murad aka Manara Sikri, the sister of the late actor Surekha Sikri. The couple had a daughter, Heeba, and in his autobiography And Then One Day, the veteran actor reflects candidly on this chapter of his life, admitting that he was an emotionally immature husband and distant father in his early twenties.The story began in the late 1960s when a 19-year-old Naseeruddin Shah was studying at Aligarh Muslim University and had developed a deep passion for theatre. Although her family disapproved of her acting ambitions, Purveen, then a 34-year-old intern at university, became her staunchest supporter. Encouraged by the one person who believed in his dreams, Naseer fell in love despite their 15-year age difference, and the two eventually married.The marriage, however, faced resistance from both families. Naseer’s relatives objected because Purveen was a divorcee and a mother of two, while her family worried that the much younger actor might end the relationship. In an effort to reassure them, Naseer even agreed to pay alimony if the marriage ended in divorce, not knowing that their relationship would soon begin to deteriorate.A year after their wedding, the couple welcomed their daughter, Heeba. Instead of strengthening their bond, fatherhood exposed the cracks in their marriage. Looking back at his memoirs, Naseer takes full responsibility for his shortcomings. He writes, “During the period of her pregnancy, Purveen had become very ill-tempered, and my complete misunderstanding of the miracle occurring within her and complete oblivion of what was expected of me did not help. Many serious arguments, of which I have always been the worst, were the result.”Reflecting on his younger self, the actor admits he lacked the emotional maturity to support his wife during her pregnancy.“I was unable to contribute in any way to making her feel good about herself. I also didn’t find the sex bar unwieldy. My attentions had already begun to wander and were beginning to focus on R, a rather pretty sophomore who, as a whore in NSD’s production of The Threepenny Opera, had called me out earlier.”By the time Purveen entered the final months of her pregnancy, Naseer had enrolled at the National School of Drama, where his ambitions increasingly consumed his attention.“As for me, having no idea of the responsibilities involved, the problems that go with the whole deal, and then the indescribable joy it brings, I had no time for the life I was helping to bring into the world; only my own gratification took precedence, nothing else mattered,” he writes.The actor also acknowledged how he kept himself separate from everything his wife was going through at the time.“Every now and then I would steal some roses from the college garden and take them to Purveen in my bicycle basket. He liked that, but other than that I played the role of the obnoxious teenager to perfection. The role of father was way beyond my ken.”Although his mother-in-law reprimanded him and gradually began to help with household chores such as washing the dishes, he admits that their emotional distance has only grown.“I gradually began to resent this child who stood between me and the only woman who had ever paid me any attention; and when the baby finally arrived, the neglect it showed still deeply embarrasses me all these decades later.”Just four days after Heeba’s birth, Naseer returned to NSD to avoid losing part of his scholarship for missing classes. Although the birth of her daughter briefly improved her relationship with her father, it did little to repair their marriage.“Heeba’s arrival made Baba and I civil for a while, but now the chasm with Purveen had widened. Her whole life now revolved around Heeba and she and I had very little to say to each other. The stimulation of being on the cusp of a professional acting life ensured that I didn’t miss her at all.”Looking back, the actor says that his behavior can be explained by his immaturity, although it is never justified.“My indifference to Heeba can only be explained, though not admittedly, by the fact that I myself was then an insecure and ill-adjusted twenty-one year old, with no idea of what it took to raise a newborn, and completely shirked my share of the duties while at the same time foolishly trying to assert my rights as a husband.”When communication with Purveen broke down, the marriage steadily fell apart.“The only way to deal with a woman, in the world according to the shahs, was with firmness and authority. Not knowing that I was completely incapable of either, I retreated into a resentful shell. It hurt me to know that I was no longer the most important thing in Purveen’s life.”She also confesses that for years she struggled to form any emotional bond with her daughter.“I have no idea what kind of light I’ll appear in if I say I didn’t hear anything about the Heeba boy for a long time, but I have to confess. He didn’t imagine at all; it was almost like she didn’t even exist.”During this period, Naseer had already met Ratna Pathak through theatre. The two eventually fell in love, but had to wait until 1982 to marry because her divorce from Purveen was still pending. According to the actor, the resolution of the agreed terms of separation took several years. In his memoirs, he refers to Ratna as the “only love” of his life.Their relationship also faced opposition in its early days. Speaking to The Lallantop, Ratna recalled that both families were skeptical, largely because acting was seen as an unstable profession.“So that was the problem, and besides, he was an actor. So Naseer would often hear, ‘How can a guy with a face like that become an actor?’ Even if you are a wonderful actor, survival in this profession is never guaranteed. It’s a hard life.”